17 James Bond movies will be removed from Netflix on September 2. So, we decided to go on a gold kick and watch Goldfinger and Goldeneye. It was perfect really, because it meant we could watch one Sean Connery Bond, and one Pierce Brosnan Bond. I don’t know about you, but I have very fond memories of watching James Bond as a teenager. A sensitive young soul, the James Bond movies were the only action/spy/violent movies I enjoyed as a young adult. Since I haven’t watched them in over 10 years, I wasn’t really sure why, but this last weekend I was reminded.
About 30 seconds into the movie, I realized the first reason why I like the old James Bond movies so much – Sean Connery emerges from the water with a seagull on his head. Yes, that’s right, a seagull. Terribly amazing gadgets and disguises always litter the Bond films, and when they are ridiculous, it’s so funny I can’t even criticize them. Pretty quickly after my first fit of laughter, I remembered the second reason I like the movies – the clothing. When Bond was done with his wetsuit/black, blending-in disguise, what does he do? Strips it off to reveal an impeccable suit underneath. I mean really, who does that? But talk about romance in clothing – honestly, I secretly want to do things like that all the time. Then there are the deliciously timed, cheesy, but somehow oh-so-good one-liners. After he electrocutes a man in the bathtub when he was trying to get it on with a lady (as usual), what does he say? “Shocking, Positively shocking.” And finally, I loved James Bond as a teenager because THERE IS NO BLOOD!!!!! I’m not really squeamish, but I do have a hard time with violence in movies, especially as a teenager, and Bond delivered all the action without the “realism” of blood and guts.
The Brosnan Bond pretty much delivered on all of these too, though perhaps not as well. There was a tiny bit of blood, but not much, and the one liners were almost just as good (or just as bad, really). One of my favorites was when M quips back at a slightly complaining underling, “If I wanted sarcasm, Mr. Tanner, I’d talk to my children.” Ouch. I didn’t enjoy it as much as Goldfinger, (for example the “sex” scene with the crazy lady who likes to squeeze people and the admiral was so bad I turned into a blush puddle on the couch and had to cover my face) but it was still pretty epic. I mean, at the end, when Bond was hanging off the bottom of the tower, I really expected Alec to say, “Bond, I am your father!”
An interesting side note – covering yourself with gold paint won’t make you asphyxiate, but they actually thought it would when filming the Goldfinger. They had doctors on the scene, in fact, just to be safe. However, even though most of us realize we can’t actually “breathe” through our pores (what would the swimmers and divers of the world do), it doesn’t mean covering all your pores is a good thing. In fact, one of the dangers of getting tattoos over most of your body, is that the tattooed skin can no longer sweat, and the toxins in your body aren’t efficiently expelled. This leads to liver failure and possible early death. Moral of the story, when recreating your very own Bond movie for at-home entertainment, try not leave the gold paint on yourself for several days; it might be bad for you.
So peeps, if you have Netflix, watch Bond now, or forever be relegated to simply downloading them all off the internet.
For some funny facts and trivia about Goldfinger, here are some links: